i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
