There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
