Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
