My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
did i just pee glitter
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