Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
