i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
