Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
