Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i will never coherently bang her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
