He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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