Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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