just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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