Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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