Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
