I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We have started to decorate penises.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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