In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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