Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
