he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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