I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
only if we run a train.
done.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
