How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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