that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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