I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
