apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
