I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
