never play flip cup with pint glasses
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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