didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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