Duck Duck Cougar?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
