it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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