We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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