oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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