his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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