Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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