Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He passed out mid-signature
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
