just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
