i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
