Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
