I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
