it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize