i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
