I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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