I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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