My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
