im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize