im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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