I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
