the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How's work?
Spinning.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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