i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
