I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
