you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
