What a fucking waste of an outfit
from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize