it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
