True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
