and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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