They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
