I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
