Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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