I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
