look no pants
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You are the jesus of drinking
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize