and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
