You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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