No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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