i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you would pick up someone in the library
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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