I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
