Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
