My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
