theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
