Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
