John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize