well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize