At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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