My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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