that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
