Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
