Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
