Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
this is an emotional support booty call
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
