so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
