She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
