I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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