last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize