Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
