She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
