Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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