she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
