I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
