dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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