I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sorry my hands just texted you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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