I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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