Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
