totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
