is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
