I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
