U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
they're like a gay fantastic four
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
