When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
