I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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