I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
