can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
