I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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